i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
