I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
