using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
