I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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