Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize