how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
