No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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