YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
