Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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