i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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