you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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