So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
