Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
two words: eviction party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
