My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
