Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
