I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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