Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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