well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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