the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
