Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
