go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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