Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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