Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
