my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
