i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
