Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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