We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Alive.
So much puke
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
