Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
