He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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