Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
