i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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