i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
