I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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