In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
