And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
