if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
im on a boat
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