Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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