The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
