A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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