my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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