We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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