What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
