Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
