A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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