Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
