A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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