Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
