Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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