i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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