Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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