Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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