Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize