I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
