mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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