if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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