Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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