I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
