so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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