Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
