Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
