dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
