The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
