check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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