I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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