I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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