so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
