Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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