Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
