I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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