if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
