Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
