The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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