haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
