Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
