Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
