You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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