so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
