That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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