I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
