I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she woke up with a sticky ear
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
