and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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