i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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