I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
